Bullying..It's More Complicated Than You Might Think.

Bullying is an ever growing problem in schools. It happens at every level, elementary, middle, and high school. However, as the problems with bullying are on the rise, the understanding of bullying and the different roles involved in bullying is less and less. There is a lot more to bullying than one student saying something unkind to another. Bullying (as it happens in schools) is defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated over time. For an event to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive (this is NOT limited to physical aggression), and there must be an imbalance of power, which means using power in terms of physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity to control or harm others. It is possible for power imbalances to change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people. Bullying behavior must also be repetitive, meaning it happens more than once or has the potential to happen more than once.

There are typically three types of bullying: verbal bullying, which is saying or writing mean things about someone else, social bullying (aka relational aggression), which is damaging someone else's social relationships by embarrassing them, spreading rumors, leaving them out, etc., and then the more traditional physical bullying that most people picture when bullying comes up as a topic of conversation. Often, in a situation where bullying is happening, more than one of these types of bullying are happening at the same time.

When a bullying situation is happening, there are several people involved. It is not just the student or group of students doing the bullying vs. the student or group of students being victimized. There is an entire circle of people that are typically involved in the bullying. Obviously, not every situation is the same, but in general, those involved typically include the bully and the victim, followers, supports/passive bullies, the disengaged onlookers, possible defenders, and then those bystanders who are active defenders. The image below shows what the bullying circle usually looks like:

I think it is so important to teach students the power of the bystander. There are two things that people can do as bystanders in a situation. They can just watch as the bullying continues and things get worse for the victim, or they can take an active role by standing up for the victim. That can mean actually speaking to the bully/bullies and letting them know that they need to stop, or it can mean going to get the help of a teacher, counselor, or principal. Intervening in a bullying situation is the best way to make it stop.

Too often, bullying is ignored. That is the advice children often get as well. How many of you have ever heard or said "Just ignore them and they'll stop eventually." Sometimes, luckily, that is true. Other times it's not. Bullying can be relentless for some students. As we have seen over the past several years, the ramifications for victims of bullying can be very serious. As educators and parents, the best way to ensure that we improve bullying is to make students aware that there is a zero tolerance policy for bullying, being consistent with the handling of students who bully, and educating students on what to do if they are being bullied of if they see someone being bullied. As the adults in the school, our most important job is to make sure that students are safe. We are the biggest defenders of all, and we must practice what we preach in terms of standing up for the victims of bullying.

For more information of bullying, and what constitutes bullying, please visit stopbullying.gov.

Bibliotherapy...What Is THAT?!

Literature and counseling may not seem like a natural match to some people. When you picture a counseling session between the school counselor and a student, what do you see? I know when I tell people what I do, or how counseling sessions and/or groups are structured, they are often surprised by how I use books to reach children. However, when you think about it, this technique makes a lot of sense. Most people, when they are reading a book, find themselves identifying with characters. For children, the same thing happens. Bibliotherapy is a counseling technique in which a book or a short story is used to address an issue, or concern, a worry, or a situation that a student finds themselves in. Using books allows children to see that other people have the same issue, concern, worry, situation that they have. It also helps to jumpstart a conversation and to identify strategies to address whatever is going on. As part of this blog, I plan on reviewing a book from my library, as well as some suggestions to how I would use that book in a lesson, in a group, or individually with a student.

The first book I'm blogging about is "The Crayon Box That Talked" by Shane DeRolf with illustrations by Michael Letzig. What I like about this book is that although it is written at a beginners level, it can easily be adapted to reach students of all ages, especially grades K-5. The book is about a box of crayons that lives in a toy store, and the different colors DO NOT get along. As the crayons are arguing with one another, a little girl overhears their bickering, and decides she needs to do something. She takes that box of crayons home with her. As she begins to color a picture with all of the different crayons, things start to change. The different colored crayons begin to appreciate what the other colors contribute to the picture. Blue makes a beautiful sky, green makes soft looking grass, yellow makes a brilliant sun, etc. By the time the picture is complete, the attitude of the crayons has completely changed.

There are several ways this book can be used. I have used it in the past when teaching classroom lessons about diversity, but the same activity done in the lesson could be easily adapted for a small group on friendship as well. What I do is I give each student in the class a piece of paper and then I tell them that they may choose one crayon out of their crayon box, but only one. Then, I ask them to draw a picture of something (usually a beach or a garden), but I remind them that they can only use the one crayon that they chose. I give them about 5-10 minutes to complete their picture. Then I read "The Crayon Box That Talked". After I finish the story, I give them another piece of paper, and tell them to draw the same thing as before, but this time they can use as many colors as they want. Once everyone has completed their pictures, I start the discussion by asking which picture they would rather have hanging up in the hallway. Typically, every student says the multicolored picture. When I ask why, the most common answer is that the picture they drew with one crayon is boring. So that leads to a conversation about how boring things would be if all of us (students, teachers, brothers, sisters, etc.) were all the same, and how by appreciating the unique things that each of us bring to the classroom, family, world, we make things exciting and beautiful. This is just one way of using this story, but it seems like an activity that really resonates with children of all ages. If I were doing this with a small group, one of the adaptations I would make would be that we would make a group crayon box. Everyone could pick a color, and we would make a giant crayon box with each of our names on our color, and something about us that helps make the group better. When doing this activity, I have other members of the group tell each student the things they appreciate about them and what they think make other group members special.

Bibliotherapy is a great way to incorporate reading into classroom lessons and groups, as well as an awesome way to open discussions and introduce new topics and ideas. It's something that can be done in most aspects of school counseling, but it's something parents can use at home as well. There are children's books addressing topics such as bullying, to things like feelings, friendship, diversity, and even grief. I will be using books from all different subject areas for this addition to my blog, but amazon.com and most books store websites will have tons of suggestions if you just type a topic, for example "self esteem books for children" into the search bar!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Crayon-Box-that-Talked/dp/0679886117/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1379334622&sr=8-1&keywords=the+crayon+box+that+talked

Personal Touches and Bits of Comfort

When it comes to the office of the school counselor, one of the most important things, in my opinion, is to be sure that the space is comfortable and welcoming for students. There are so many ways to go about achieving this, and obviously, the space should be comfortable for the counselor as well. In my experience, kids will always want to come to a room that has bright colors and toys. I have also found that kids really love being able to sit in bean bag chairs or on those big bouncy exercise balls. Those are very simple ways to help put students at ease, and make them feel less intimidated as well as less formal. Something different that I have tried this year is setting up a "relaxation station" for students in the corner of the room where I have pillows, bean bag chairs, and stuffed animals. When students find their way into my office, they are often times angry or sad or upset about something. Going right into a heavy conversation and trying to dissect what is going on is not always immediately effective. Often times, children need a few moments to themselves to calm down and pull themselves together. Typically, the best results come when everyone involved in a situation are calm. By providing the students with a comfortable space, they are better able to get a handle on their feelings and calm themselves down. Another thing that I have tried, for the first time this year, are using "cozy shades" over the lights in my office. Fluorescent lighting tends to be harsh. For me, soft lighting has always induced a more comfortable feeling. When looking for a way to soften the light in my office, I came across "cozy shades" on amazon.com. They come in several different colors, and they have magnets in the lining, so you can put them on the metal around the lights, and they change the color of the lighting in your room. They have many choices of solid colors, but I chose the blue, purple, and green striped shades for my office, because, as I mentioned before, children seem to be drawn toward color. When the lights in my office are on, there are now shades green, purple, and blue thrown around my office. I just put them up yesterday, but everyone, children and adults alike, have reacted very positively! I will include a link to the cozy shades on amazon.

My cozy shades :-)

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Doffice-products&field-keywords=abilitations%20cozy%20shades

 

My lovely office space :-)

 

Thank you all so much for reading! Until next time.

 

 

And We're Off!

Welcome to my world! I am so glad to have you. Sometimes, I feel like the role of the school counselor in an elementary school can be quite misunderstood. Often when I tell people what I do for a living, I get responses like "Oh man, so you just deal with all of the bad kids, that must be awful", or "it must be pretty easy, it's not like kids in elementary schools have many problems". Now, I can totally understand why someone might have those misconceptions about the school counselor. Many people didn't have school counselors in elementary school, and those who did had a counselor whose role was likely very different than today's school counselor. It is my hope that by having this blog, maybe I can shed some light on what we do from day to day, as well as share resources, ideas, and what I'm sure will be hilarious stories about my little munchkins. Hopefully, this blog will allow you to see why it is that I love what I do so much!

On that note, it is back to school time for many of us in the education world, and with that can bring much excitement, happiness, and fun. However, there are also those feelings of anxiety, sadness, and discomfort that many of us (staff and students alike!) may be feeling. The biggest suggestion I have to help combat some of those feelings throughout the first week is pretty simple: Keep It Positive! By having a positive attitude, it can put others around you at ease. Your happiness can rub off on the person next to you, and maybe their happiness can rub off on someone else they encounter in the hallway. The first week of school always comes with some growing pains, but just keeping your cool, remembering to stay calm, and thinking about all of the fun you're going to have this year should help to ease some of that pain. And if that doesn't work, just take it one day at a time! You'll be in the groove before you know it. :-)

"Keep calm and counsel on!"

Until next time :-)